Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
