I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
