the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
