you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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