is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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