I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
