guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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