Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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