I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
