I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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