So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
