I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
