i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
