in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
