Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
