You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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