I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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