Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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