so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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