Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
