i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
