found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
