At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
