I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
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