I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
