I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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