just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
