It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
