me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize