you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
