i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
