i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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