My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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