Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
