Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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