some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
