Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
