You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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