why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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