Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
