they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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