okay pat passed out under dana's car
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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