I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
