Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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