You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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