you guys were way drunker than both of me
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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