all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
