no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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