Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
