Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
this will be a night to untag.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
