get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
