i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
