I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
