im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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